All the schools in the country are out for a month. That’s the last two weeks and the next two weeks. They haven’t been able to stop the rapid spread of swine flu, so they’re taking all the precautions they can. All travel to and from the city is prohibited. The students are learning from home via television broadcast. I feel weird cause soon enough the Americans will be inoculated. But a lot of people are freaking out. Surgical masks aren’t uncommon in Asia to begin with, but everyone seems to be wearing one now.

So I’ve got this time to do what I want, except the higher ups have decided to restrict all traveling for volunteers until the vaccines are in. I’m left in my small corner of the world to read, reflect, etc. 

It would be a crime (against my mother mainly) to not use this time to update y’all as much as possible. My home church has been really supportive lately, sending emails and the like. It’s coming at a really needed time. It’s odd. My work is going great. Socially, I’m thriving here. I feel prepared for whatever the winter might throw at me. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Yet, some days I still feel like I’m not going to make it. I get this voice in my head that tells me that the gamble I took coming out here, all that self-motivation I gave myself about throwing myself to the wolves and seeing what comes of it, that it wasn’t worth the risk. Odd right? Perhaps it’s that everyone hears right before the finish line, the final attempt by your inner demons to distract you because their cause is almost lost. Here’s to hopeful thinking because there’s no way I’m turning back now. 

I had a visit by some PC managers. Talk about validation. They talked with my director and counterparts at the school to hear their thoughts on my work. They said they were very happy with me and my work, and they hope the next volunteer continues in my footsteps. Now, Mongolians are not the type to talk down on anyone, especially the guest American, but it felt sincere. I just hope I can some through with some of the promises and plans I’ve made. That being the week long teacher’s camp I’ve proposed and the English lounge that they’ve asked me to help build. If I can just get those two things completed before I go, I’ll feel like that and the work I’ve done/am doing will make my work there a success. 

The Mongolian who I visited in Korea is here, visiting his brother, my counterpart. It’s good to see him again. I’m definitely planning to stop back in Seoul on my way home. I just don’t know what I’ll do with all my luggage and whatnot. The plan so far is to go to Korea, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and then home to Atlanta. But who can see that far in the future. I really wondering how much it would cost to send home some of the things I won’t need on the way. I’m guessing a couple hundred dollars. Yanaa! That’s a lot of tugriks.

Thanksgiving is coming on us fast. I hope the travel ban is lifted before then, cause we’re supposed to have a party with TURKEY on the Saturday after. It might just be the last time I’ll see some people before I close service. Many people I won’t see before then. 

The newbies are already starting to complain. It’s funny because it was this time last year that we started to as well. It is nice being on the other side of that equation, listening to what their schools are making them do or how they can’t get things done like in America, and then telling them what’s what. They’re losing that blind optimism that we all had coming in. I just try to let them know that it’ll be hard but it’ll be fine. Blind optimism turns to frustration, but eventually it becomes a vision for the future.

Again, I miss all of you. I’ve been inspired as far as what I’d like to do with the rest of my life. The epiphany also came at a good time. It’s given me some new energy. I’ll talk about that later. It’s too early to report on now. If you’re interested you can call me or email me. I’d like to discuss things with someone. Which reminds me, I need to email my bro Carson.

I’ll hit you up again soon…Internet…

Love, Love, Love, Love. In a word, it’s love.

Part of the reason, i think, that I haven't updated is that now, in the second year, it's a little difficult to find interesting things to write about.  Either I have to worry about repeating myself, or I have to take things that have become normal and treat them like they are special enough to write about.  I'm not sure how many of you want to read, "I continue to eat with Mongolians everyday.  They still rotate making the same three dishes continually.  or   Wow, I was in a bus today for 6 hours even though the trip should only take 1.5 hours.  It was crammed with 17 people, even though the max capacity is 11."

I think about writing a lot.  But I don't know what to say.

Here's my attempt at just giving some sort of update.  The school year is up and running.  Right now I'm in a near by town with some other volunteers.  The week break between quarters was supposed to be the second week in November, but the minister of education pushed it forward to this week because of the bird flu "epidemic", hoping that sepatating the kids will slow the spread.  I had work to do across the country during that week, and now I won't be able to go do it because I'll need to teach.

I started up the computer class again.  We put a certain program on the computers to replace the defunct DynedLab that we had last year.  Still, no internet, but the kids love this new program.  It's very user friendly.  We have 3 classes a day of 20 kids each.  that's 300 kids that volunteer to come in and do an hour a week of extra english work.  I'm loving the succes of this one.  So many of the things I've tried to do have fallen apart for one reason or another.  It seems that I've finally gotten the hang of working here.  This year is seriously easier, less stressful, and much more productive than last year.  It's unreal.  I think both the lessons I learned from my first year and my vacation to Cambodia and Korea contributed to how great things are going.

I miss home a lot.  It's come up quite a bit in my mind in the last couple weeks.  I was recently able to speak with one of the returned volunteers from the group before me, a good friend.  She's also from Atlanta.  It just drove the point home in me.  I'm now 96% sure I will not try for a 3rd year.  In fact, I'm gonna try to leave a bit early to make it to my cousin's wedding next year.  Missing home isn't causing any doubts as to whether I'll make it to a solid close of service.  I'm just realizing that a lot of what I like about myself comes out from being around friends and family.  There's a spiritual dimention to my journey that has diminished.  I know it's waiting for me in the States to come back to, and I'm finding new ways to remain headstrong, but at the moment I really miss the feeling of being engulfed in a large crowd of hamonizing singers.  I miss hearing a sermon in person...in english.  I miss communion.

I'm pretty tired at present.  Sorry if some of this blog reads oddly.  What else?  Oh, I'm going with my school to an english compitition in the Gobi next month.  That's gonna be rad.  I haven't made it down there yet.  I'll make sure to take pictures.

To my nieces and nephews.  I'll be back soon.  Please don't grow too much too fast.  Just wait another 9 months or so.  Ok?

I'll try to post again soon guys.  Really.

Grace

Oh wow. There's so much to talk about.

I know I'll forget most of everything that I need to say in this blog.  It's just crazy right now.  I still don't have internet in my town. 

Tsagaan Sar is the Mongolian lunar new year.  It was on Feb. 25th this year.  That so happens to also be my birthday.  It also so happened to be Ash Wednesday.  It's difficult to explain exactly what Tsagaan Sar is and how big is is.  My friend Travis said it well when he described it as a mix of New Year's, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and everybody's birthday all at the same time.  People put in an enormous amount of time and money preparing for this 5 day feast.  Beyond the 5 days, there's a sort of Tsagaan Sar Eve that they celebrate and the ongoing party that lasts as long as it lasts.  People who haven't seen each other and meet, no matter how long after the new year, will greet one another with Tsagaan Sar greetings.

I had a wild time to say the least.  I was dreading it a little, but now I can't wait for next year.  The traditional food is a Mongolian dumpling called buuz.  My family made 2000 of them in the few days before.  We also made 70 hard pastries called boov.

So spring is coming.  Glorious Spring.  The weather is already picking up.  The winds are blowing harder as we prepare for the Duststorm season.  But the wonderful news is that soon we will rise above the freezing mark for good.  Right now even the nights are only -10C or so. -10C is no problem.  But soon the days will be warm and the nights will be cool, and I'll leave my ger door open and open my ger's roof flap.  The Sun will come out earlier and earlier while setting later and later.  I saw some rather terrible duststorms in the summer, but the season is really an April/May thing.  I'll let you know how that goes.

I've really been surprising myself with my language skills.  It's really turned conversational lately.  I still don't understand most men...at all, but the ones I do have much thinner accents.  Women, I can get all the time.  It's insane some days.  I don't know where it comes from.  Yet there are still days when my brain shuts off and I can't understand anyone or say even the simplest of sentences.  It's in such a grand fluctuation.  I don't really know what to do with it.  I suppose I'll just keep studying and doing what I do.  I haven't found a tutor yet, no one who is willing to meet with me on a regular basis.  I might start learning ASL from this deaf woman who I'm working with currently.  She offered to teach me anyway, and I'd really like to learn.

Everything's great though. I can't believe it's been over 9 months and I'll be saying farewell to my first year of service soon.  Really.  The longer I'm at site, the more I feel at peace with my work.  Yes, I struggle all the time with very simple parts of my job.  Yes, I can talk another PCVs ear off about things I'm frustrated about.  Yes, I have days when I don't know if I can go on for one reason or another.  But the things that keep me going are the little ways I know I'm helping, a building desire to see the whole term through, and the realization that the difficulties I face ARE my job just as much if not more than seeing tangible results.  This last one was the most difficult for me to get.  I'll never be able to put my work results into a pir chart or bar graph.  I'll never be able to give stats about the condition of my work agency: before and after.  I have to accept that most of what I do is neither qualitative or quantitatively measurable, and I can't go about my work in that mindset either.  A lot of what I do, I have to rely on faith to believe it is making any difference.  Sure, there are the kids I tutor and the visible improvement in their skills.  There are test grades and communication barriers that come down, but most of my time feels like it is spent smashing my fist into a wall (More accurately, knocking on the wall and asking it to move for me, but I liked the imagery and the subtle allusion to the Berlin wall).

I hope I'm communicating this well.  It's hard to describe really.  The point is that I'm more and more realizing my purpose here, and for the purpose I'm here, I really think I'll do what I can do and do it well.

Sorry to anyone who was worried about me recently.  I was staying in a place with no cell phone coverage for my phone for a couple days.  I'll remember to let you know that I'm not gonna be available,

Love y'all.
Peace

I've returned from a week+ long road trip.  Along the way I forgot my phone in a city that is 300kms away, I grew a beard, my bank card decided to stop working...ok, let's go back to the beginning.

I left my town under the impression that we were going to have a week off.  I went to the closest town to me and visited some friends there for a night.  I helped with a English Teachers club, etc.  The next day I went to the gas station and waited for someone to come by who was going to Bayankhongor.  I didn't wait too long before a post office bus from the capital came by and I paid the driver to give me a lift.  The ride was 6 hours and at night.  Buses can get very cold at night, but luckily just my feet turned to icicles.  I was met by some friends when I arrived.  Bayankhongor is really pretty.  It's an up and coming place that has been working hard the last few years to improve roads, parks, etc.  They are building a dinosaur park there.  We made some awesome calzones with the limited resources we had.

I stayed there for a couple days, but some of us decided to head to Arkhangai for a tiny get together in order to celebrate the inauguration.  This is the part where I lost my phone.  I left it at my friend's place.  He is sending it to me right now.  I got to Arkhangai and we had some amazing cheeseburgers followed by pot pie and tacos in the coming days.  At some point I realized that my bank card wasn't going to work anymore, and I didn't have my account number at the bank.  Thankfully, I had my brother's money that he sent me for Christmas on me.  If I hadn't, my whole trip would have been extremely difficult.

I tried to leave on Friday for home.  There were some snags.  I finally arrived in a town near mine Saturday evening.  From there I couldn't find a car until Monday afternoon.  I got home to find out that my community decided to have classes all week and didn't tell me because they wanted me to rest. 

All in all it was a ton of fun.  I love to travel here.  It's a guaranteed adventure every time.  You really never know what you’re going to get. It’s most assuredly going to cause a bit of strife, but every time I get though another journey, I feel even more confident in my ability to do anything. At one point on my way home, I was held up in this lady’s house of which I knew nothing while a complete stranger tried to find me a taxi. I spent 4 hours sitting there, playing with her children. 

My emotions are rollercoastering. I’m reminded right now of how difficult training was. I think I had forgotten how much stress had actually been placed on me then. Usually when I think back to training, I think about how great it was to have people around all the time, but that’s not really how I felt. If I’m honest, I remember not wanting to be around people all the time in training. I remember telling the people in my permanent site request that living by myself would be just fine. I wanted to get away. I hope to really improve my attitude. I don’t have a particularly bad disposition now, but more and more I begin to focus on what I don’t have in my town: other Americans, certain foods, etc. 

The one thing that the journey definitely made me realize is how much my town is home to me. It’s home for many reasons: the faces, the students, my job, and the mere fact that I sleep so much better in my own ger than anywhere else. Travelling is great at first, but after a few days I really start to miss Khujirt. It’s really got a hold on me. Being away has refocused me on how much I love being here and how bad I want to work. My whole purpose in life right now is to get these teachers to a standard with their language that I’m happy with and to get some of these kids gold medals in the English Olympics (coming up in a little over a month). 

Sometimes it takes being away to recharge my batteries. I really can’t describe how important it is to me to do a good job here, but it dawns on me that I’m not gonna get a whole lot done if I’m always talking about how hard it is to get my teachers to come to meetings or how behind the vast majority of my students are. I also need to come out of this shell that I’ve built up. It’s the shell of saying that the work is too much and the task too difficult. I question who I am to think I can have much of an impact here. The truth is that the volunteer before me set me up perfectly. She took control of her situation, and I think the people here are just waiting for me to do the same. The main point here is that I have to stop complaining, even in joking form with the other volunteers going through the same thing. 

Typically, when I first get a job, my mind starts to formulate how I am going to take over the operation. Every class I took in college, my first thought was, “How will I get an A?” Every job, “How will I become invaluable to this company?” It’s been a long time coming for this awakening here. Part of me never felt like I belonged, really, but I recognize that most of the volunteers felt that as well. I’m ready to take hold of my destiny here in my cozy Mongolian soum. I’m ready to step up and do my job. And as I realize this about myself, I also realize that it’s been there the whole time. My attitude hadn’t been the best, but I set myself up for success from the beginning. 

I want to take just a moment, here at the end, to thank Northlake church of Christ. They’ve, believe it or not, put me on their mailing list for Northlake updates and the like here in Mongolia. I just started receiving bulletins. It made my day.

That’s it for now. Peace and love everyone.